Washington Post Mensa Invitational???

I tried looking up whether or not this article was actually published in the Washington Post and found the reference to be erroneous. Since the reason I started this blog in the first place was to capture the circulated emails that I felt worth saving, I thought I'd get back to doing just that. Not sure who the true author is (and I would never claim what is written as my own...unless it is) but if I did know, you can be rest assured that I would happily give credit where credit is due. Below is the email exactly as it was originally received:

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Injustice of Sallie Mae

Sallie Mae is the bully in the school yard who must be stopped. Let's take an honest look at Sallie Mae and see how they have cuckolded politicians into protecting them while pimping out unsuspecting students, both young and old. 

Here is an excerpt from 'StudentLoanJustice.org': While credit card borrowers enjoy the fundamental consumer protections afforded all other borrowers with all other types of debt, federal student loan borrowers enjoy almost none of these protections. Not bankruptcy protections, not statutes of limitations, not truth in lending laws, not state usury laws...non-profit guarantors are even exempt from fair debt collection statutes. In additions, the lending system enjoys collection powers that know no equal. There is appeals process for defaults. About 20 cents of every dollar repaid by borrowers whose loans were defaulted are taken by these guarantors (or the federal government) before anything is applied to principal, interest, etc. Borrowers wages, Income tax returns, and even Social Security and disability income are routinely garnished without a court order, and regardless of any legitimate claims they may have about the propriety of the default. Borrower's ability to work in their field can be taken away through state professional license suspension, and other related state and federal policies regarding defaulted borrowers...In a very real sense, defaulted borrowers are given the choice of either finding a way to repay a vastly inflated debt, or face the rest of their lives as indentured, marginalized, second class citizens.  See http://studentloanjustice.org/press_release8-6-10.html to read the full report.

Allow me to give an example a little closer to home. My son has 2 private student loans that he has been trying to consolidate for over a year now. This would lower the interest rate and he would have an affordable payment that he could payoff in his lifetime. The only bank that will even take on this type of student loan is Wells Fargo, and they keep insisting he have a co-signer. Unfortunately we are not in a position to be the co-signer. Because my son can not make the minimum payment right now, he keeps paying $150 per month to put them on forbearance. And now Sallie Mae won't even allow him to do that. The amount of these two loans put together is over $1300.00 a month, which only covers interest and not one Penney goes to principal. 

I'm almost embarrassed to admit this (because there are people out there who will say we should have known better...yeah, if I knew then what I know now...), but here is how the 1st loan has ballooned out of site. It was taken out in the fall of 2003 for $28,123.00 at 11.250% interest.  As of 11/11/10 that loan has now inflated up to $59,362.71. Three months prior it was at $58,269.57, an increased of over $1100.00. I won't even bring up the case of the 2nd loan, but believe me it's a similar sad story.  

Sallie Mae will not stop the interest from accruing nor do they have to...because their loans are guaranteed by the government. If something were to happen to my son (heaven forbid), this burden of debt will still be paid by taxpayers (so Sallie Mae has no incentive to work with an individual). At least credit card companies will work with you, lowering the interest and  sometimes taking it down to zero, when a consumer is struggling to make payments and avoid bankruptcy, but not Sallie Mae.

Don't think for a minute that we don't berate ourselves on a daily basis for not knowing the pitfalls of what might happen if our son didn't land a great paying position. To be totally honest we didn't even realize the 1st two tuition loans were private loans until my son went to consolidate them. I should state that he is paying the federal loans with an affordable interest rate but these 2 private loans are tearing our family apart. You can say all you want that we should have been more prepared to pay his tuition up front...and by all counts we wish we could have.

If we could have a do-over, we would never have encouraged our youngest son to go to school right out of High-School. Instead we would have encouraged him to get a job where an employer assists with getting a higher education. The fact of the matter is, this is all water under the bridge now. And we know we are not the only set of parents who are seeing their child crucified for their education decisions. This is why I hold fast on my statement that Sallie Mae is the bully in the school yard who must be stopped!

There is no incentive for tuition reform unless something can be done to protect the students who did not see the snowball of debt they were accumulating until it was too late. We are seeing a big push to get people to go back to school no matter what their age. Knowing what I know now, it's a criminal practice no different than the mortgage lending institutes who have suffered from collapse. Where is the bailout for individuals who may never see themselves able to handle a mortgage or live on their own?

If you really want to make your blood pressure skyrocket, check out /http://studentloanjustice.org

The stories from the victims are gut wrenching. Needless to say, my own son is feeling the vice-grip from Sallie Mae. He desperately wanted to serve his country and scored over 96% on the test, but he has come up against a wall due to his financial obligation to Sallie Mae. One can't work for the government when one owes the government. Wouldn't that be the easiest wage to garnish if it came to that?

Ironic, don't ya think?  

Before going back to school you might want to read: The Student Loan Scam: The Most Oppressive Debt in U.S. History—and How We Can Fight Back