Not For Sissies…One Liners

SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

IF THEY DON’T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN’T GOING.

MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.

PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN … SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

DON’T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.

I’M OUT OF ESTROGEN – AND I HAVE A GUN.

GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE…WHO CARES?

NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.

AND YOUR POINT IS?

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

OF COURSE I DON’T LOOK BUSY…I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

SO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.

ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

I’M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON’T GO AWAY?

SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTE. I’M NOT.

IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I’M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY.

 DON’T UPSET ME! I’M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

WHO LIT THE FUSE ON YOUR TAMPON?

I ONLY HAVE A KITCHEN CUZ IT CAME WITH THE HOUSE.

STAY COOL THIS WEEK!!!!

Your New Local Wal-Mart Greeter

Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied Jennifer.

'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.

'Hmmm....let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch.. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.

File Missing…

Finally...... a computer setting I understand!

http://jolenes-cuppajo.blogspot.com

 

Women are Angels in Disguise

In case you didn't know...Women are Angels

And when someone breaks our wings.... 
We simply continue to fly....

On a broomstick....

We are flexible like that.